Sunday, March 29, 2009

My RSVP

In mid November, my girlfriend sent me a poem call “The Invitation” as I read it I reflected on the passages and decided to reply.  As you read my RSVP, you will probably detect a lot of popular axioms and pop culture references.  In my defense to those who view my words with criticism… I offer Pablo Picasso’s famous quote “Good artist copy, great artist steal.”  This is where I am at right now in my life.

What I ache for is to be loved unconditionally.... and through this love to help heal myself and the world around me.

I am motivated by doing what I think works, I think fortune favors the bold, and life rewards action.  I am not afraid to dream big, but I do temper my dreams into smaller achievements' in order to identify equable resolutions and learn through in-process discovery.  I am not afraid of my appearance, but I realize my energy comes from others, if I need to play the fool in order to motivate others I will, but if I need to project an image of confidence and strength, I have no problem assigning the role of the fool to the opposition of the dreams.

I have fallen down many times, been cut by the sharpest words, and stung worse by the actions of those I considered friends and allies, but I rarely if ever give up on peoples humanity or lost my hope.  I have been to the edge and thought to myself how easy it would be to just jump and end the sorrow I feel sometimes, but when all looked lost, it was my closest of friends who rescued me, and gave me the inspiration I needed to continue on my journey.

My mind plays tricks on me sometimes, especially when the pain I feel triggers wounds from my past.  I want to be supportive, encouraging, and loving, but if someone's actions draw too much pain, I find my unconscious defenses override my conscious desires and I draw upon my curse of vindictiveness to protect me.  Once again I rely on the council of others to act as external anchors, and to remind me of what is important.  I do take the responsibility to teach people how to treat me and I try to see people not as how I want them to be, but how they actually are.

I think that we make our own happiness and to be fully human is to share it with as many people as possible.  My happiness is fueled from my pursuit to develop character.  I think virtue is the path between two vices, and that forgiveness is necessary for the evolution of our souls.

One of my motto's is "It will probably be me".  My actions are sometimes motivate by the long term consequences.  I weigh the butterfly effect on important decisions, but I also live by the axiom, "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right."  In the end the axiom "A man or woman does the best they can until their destiny is revealed" summarizes why I sometimes look and often times leap.  My soul is that of a revolutionary, I see myself as a modern day Thomas Jefferson who looks beyond the borders and sees opportunities, but sometimes realizes the wisdom is to hold the wolves back by their ears.  I have authored many declarations using a synthesis of ideas from others, fought hard to win puric victories but also suffered many honorable defeats.  Many times the causalities of these wars of the spirit were people I loved dearly who misunderstood my intentions, or who did not think or believe I could succeed.

I take great joy in positively influencing others, teaching when I have a class, learning when I am the pupil.  Failure is necessary in order to measure success accurately.  It is important to reward success, especially if the achievement is one of the spirit.

I do not have children, but I do have a team.  What I have learned from them is it isn't important who is right, but what is right.  When we fail we all fail and when we succeed we share the rewards.  If one of our members is weaken, he or she can rely on the others to strengthen them, but like a cartel, betrayal is dealt with harshly.  I measure my wealth by the quality of my closest friendships, and family.

I have stood alone on trial, been judged unfairly many times, and sentence to solitary confinement as a result of my choices.  I have done my time and swore I would never reoffend, but when I see injustice to someone close to me, I feel I have no choice but to break the laws of conformity, speak out, and stand by my friends and family in a time of need.

What sustains me is that I believe I exist for a reason.  This journey requires that I solve the puzzle of what that reason is and decode the riddle of "What does it all mean?".  Ultimately I am preparing for a test.  The test is of character, and it is graded on my actions in the darkness....  not in the light.

Have a good night,

<3 T



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